ForgottenDawn's audio Reviews on Newgrounds

[Old Tree (A.I.M Contest)]

I like the idea of a "jungle ambiance" to be perfectly honest, something that I wasn't expecting to find in this contest. I would have loved some more variation in the structure, possibly by introducing more instruments and themes. Have you ever thought of adding background ambiances and sounds from various sources -- even from the jungle itself? It really opens you to a wealth of possibilities because you're given a chance to really pay attention to the details and slowly craft your atmosphere from the ground up.

I'm giving this three stars because I think you could have executed the idea better, in the sense that structure and mastering-wise it needs some work. The marimba-like instrument gets quite obsessive and overpowers the mix due to also its massive reverb that kinda suffers from limiting/compression issues (the slight unwanted wobbling in the reverb). Overall, it's an otherwise decently equalized song and it fits the artwork you've picked quite nicely.

//FD

arbelamram responds:

thnx for the feeback :)
your right about it worked on in it and masterd it.. but my pc wont handle the project...FML

[Lost in Deep Space]

I must say that I'm impressed with the atmosphere you've just provided, especially the intro. It has a depth that shouldn't be looked by and then it gets better with the introduction of more synths and pads. I felt that the piano could need some more reverb and make it distant, like echoes lost in deep space. Sorry, had to throw that in.

The structure is somewhat varied, although I would have probably expected a change at around the third minute just to keep things renewed and interesting. The outro kinda feels a little weak compared to the song, I would have introduced a fading out while gradually increasing the reverb of that synth. The given effect is that the sound gets more blurred in the distance, it's very cinematic.

But no matter, I give you props for experimenting with an enjoyable ambient piece and ultimately for your art choice which is equally beautiful.
//FD

Chemiqals responds:

Thank you for the feedback! Haha, I've added more and more reverb to the piano in each remaster I've done so far. I feel like it would get a little muddled if I added much more though. I do want the piano to feel like a piano so when the more "spacey" instrument comes in at 1:46 it's a nice change. Going from something human to something more. Thank you for the suggestion about the ending. I'll have to try something like that out!

[First Sunshine]

It quickly became one of my favorite entries in this contest, and I definitely enjoyed the atmospheric/liquid drum and bass you provided. It felt very "airy" and spacey and it had a very solid structure, with the part beginning at the fourth minute being my personal pick. Good fills and transitions, I would have only brought more variations in the bass line and possibly pack some more oomph by introducing some brief sub-bass clicks here and there, reminiscent of old school jungle or even Goldie. Overall, very good job, be proud of this
//FD

AeroMusic responds:

Thanks alot mate, yeah it seems to be the general consensus that the chords and bassline should have had more variation, i'll remember this for future songs :)

its an honour to be compared to goldie :D

[New Beginning - AIM2014]

It's a nice composition, although I would have loved a more varied structure and progression, and possibly a less mechanized piano. Humanizing the volume of the notes and tweaking the tempo of the song by applying variations to the BPM usually serves the purpose of making a piece less mathematical and forced. Again, it's a good piece but you can still work on the aforementioned details and try to enrich your melodies with different layers of sound.
//FD

[His Way]

Well. Despite myself being an enthusiast when it comes to sound design and experimental music, I find myself in a difficult position to judge. While it's always nice to see people willing to venture in other directions attempting to expand their horizons, there's also a point where you must stop for a while and ask yourself if what you're experimenting with leads you to a better understanding or it's just another dead end in one's artistic life.

I'll be trying to clear the "nonsense" shown in the previous reviews and try to make some sense by breaking down every single element in the song.

The piece immediately starts with a slow beat reminiscent of slow jazz and even trip-hop, very minimalist as you say, nothing really extraordinaire about it. Then the "crappy" vocals start extolling the first verses accompanied by a hypnotic sound that drags for quite a lot of bars. I surprisingly have no complaints about the hi-hats, as they're not overpowering the mix and they don't stand out too much compared to that low whistle sound (I really don't know how to describe it). Even the idea of a Saz solo doesn't really grieve me to the point I start ripping my hair off.

So where's the problem?

The problem is that none of this catches my attention and I don't consider any of this, at the current state of things, to have some sort of cohesion between each element in the song. In fact I'm not saying it's a bad idea because it isn't, but its execution sounds like you've stopped caring at some point and decided to invest the bare minimum of your time on this. I can show you how your idea can potentially sound interesting and truly experimental in nature.

Starting with the vocals, you deliberately chose to deliver a "crappy" singing which sounds okay and catchy for a while, but why not making it even crappier? Put a lo-fi filter, distort your vocals a little bit, destroy your own voice and play around with glitch effects like retriggering, bitcrush and stereo panning. It can still be considered "minimalist" because you're only intervening on your own voice. I don't know if you're familiar with the Riddler trailer in Batman Arkham City -- the Riddler's voice is manipulated in such a way that it sends shivers down your spine, and even the acting by itself isn't spectacular, but the atmosphere that has been crafted around is spectacular.

Then come the drums. They're very stripped down to the basics, but I would have made them a little more present in the mix and gave them some more character, possibly by throwing in some jazz fills and brushes. What about distant atmospheres and effects? A broken music box in the distance, radio static, wind chimes... there are so many things you can just put in your mix and make it sound interesting, enigmatic, haunting in a sense and diverse.

What about an acoustic bass? Even by playing simple notes during the first stanza it's enough of a presence in the low end and it accompanies your drums greatly. During the Saz part, I would have personally added an ethereal background atmosphere and played various sounds in reverse, maybe even whispered vocals in the distance.

You see, it's not really about striving for minimalism or for a more direct compositional approach because my suggestions may sound verbose and complicated when written but are probably not when put in practice. If you can't communicate much, if you don't tell a story through the medium of sound, then it's over. I suggest you to completely disregard this rating, I'm just forced to because it's my temporary job in this contest. Keep improving upon your ideas and add subtlety in your works in order to let people think "Wait, what did he mean by that? Why did he use this?"
Go beyond your vision and try hard to achieve it. In the end, you'll be grateful to have done yourself a favor and extend your inner horizons.

Cheers mate
//FD

SoulSecure responds:

Thank you so friggan much for actually giving real advice.

I like the way the vocals are now, but I wanted to put some vinyl record noise in there. Like, either as ambiance or make the drums sound like they are coming out of a vinyl on a gramophone, y'know?

I'm not sure about messing with the drums too much, as I'm actually kind of going in a more lounge/trip hop direction rather than straight Jazz, but I think that's worth looking into. I actually try very hard to not put the drums in loudly, because when I first started using beats it was all for rap/hip hop kind of music and once I started using it all the time my drums came out way too loud cuz I was used to the hip hop stuff.

I have thought about putting in maybe a little piano or something and I don't think putting in acoustic bass is a good idea when I already have a sub bass line. You have given me an idea, because I have played with putting in some sounds during the solo, but didn't like how they came out.

It's not about being minimal, or overtly experimental. I don't want to screw up the kind of feeling I was going for by putting in unnecessary instrumentation. I prefer to consider myself more in the realm of art music than experimental, but that's the kind of crowd I'm lumped into.

Thanks for the review!

[AIM - Alien Cave]

This is quite a polarizing track, I must say. Not because the idea per se doesn't hold some potential, I think all ideas have and need a chance to be expressed in some way or another, but it's rather the execution that leaves me quite perplexed.

If you were going for a chaotic atmosphere, you might have confused chaos for "turning all synth levels up to eleven", creating a generally unpleasant cluttering effect that overpowers the mix and doesn't give other instruments a chance to breathe. In fact, I think dynamics are quite tight in this track. The intro is sort of interesting if it weren't for the really loud bass that also carries on in the most intense parts when sidechained.

I think that you could have kept the dark atmospheric mindset you used for the parts preceding the loud bass (1:02 - 1:20) for most of the track, by adding more background sounds (possibly rhythmic synths and arps) and variations on the melody to keep things more interesting. The intro could have needed some polish, I was thinking if some distant sounds could have enhanced the atmosphere, like echoes or voices that can't be distinguished in the distance. I have no complaints about the drums, they're kinda dubsteppy, but they can work well in this context.

//FD

FortressLord responds:

Thanks for the in-depth review. This song is dead, and as an artist I'm totally evolved, so I won't update this, BUT your helpful criticisms and positives can be carried over into my newer work.

[Bop]

You're quite the self-deprecating contestant, something I honestly wasn't expecting. It's more about the experience of participating to an event welcomes people from all over the world, listening to their music, hearing their feedback and their own voices. No one here is the best and my job as a judge is not even to put your track on a balance in an attempt to "measure" its value, because it's simply impossible.

Now, I think your track is well composed, it has a solid structure and you've managed to bring some degree of variety throughout these six minutes and counting of music. I would be stupid to not recognize some highlights from this effort, like the constant bass work which is pretty complex and interesting to hear, and all the build-ups and changes you've performed.

If anything, I would have loved to hear some more complex dynamics between the various melodies, possibly by adding background synths and ambiances, and sidechaining pads could have also helped the cause. The drums are not exactly immersive and I would have used some more intense samples, especially in the more downtempo parts. Try also to smooth transitions between the different sections with some riser sound effects, booms or even glitch effects that could help improving the flow of the track.

It's not what I consider a mediocre effort, and my rating shouldn't let you kick the bucket and seek something else to do. I encourage you to keep going down this road and try to give depth to simpler songs and patterns before moving onto something gargantuan like a 6-minute song. Also... djent? Pfft, got nothing on this. So far I haven't even seen any track can remotely be considered "metal", if that helps.

//FD

Wilhiemthe2nd responds:

Thanks a lot FD, I apologize for the self deprecating-ness, My boyfriend and I have been trying to work on eliminating my chronic self-esteem issues. This hasn't happened with music, my most passionate subject. Don't worry about me not trying any more, Music will always be my thing, even if I'm terrible at it.

I've actually been trying to improve this thing for quite awhile, but I'm not exactly sure if I'm allowed to submit an edited version of the same song to the contest. >:

As for the quality of the samples, my extremely modest financial background prohibits me from getting something like EZ-Drummer, or FL Studio, so I guess winning is out of the question due to that, but I did enter just for the experience and the reviews really. I just put myself in a mindset where I was worried these SUPER EXPERIENCE PROFESSIONALS would be all over it and think I'm a terrible person and such. ...Jeez I can be really silly sometimes.

I don't why I mentioned Djent, I guess I just thought of something that may pop up and blast my song under the radar or something. As for song length... heheh... Due to the music I listen to a lot, 6 minutes is a pretty average length song to me, blame Dream Theater. XD

TlDr, I'd like to remake this, am I allowed to resubmit it? (provided that the contest isnt over yet, though I'll resubmit this to NG anyway really.)

[Two Paths - AIM2014]

I think that there's quite some work to be done here in order to let it shine better. The piano definitely needs some reverb and some humanization - intervening with the volume and applying slight tempo automations could help in turning the sound less mechanized and more natural. The guitar sounds too bassy and I think needs some EQ work, specifically by turning the high frequencies up and cutting the bass a little. This leave more breathing room for the other instruments, specifically the drums and piano. The composition itself is not what I consider bad, but it still feels too "forced" and I suggest avoiding the four-on-the-floor kick pattern and imagine more complex or at least interesting drumming.
//FD

[Forest Of Desolation]

I was already astonished by the artwork of reference and I took five good minutes to "get back to the real world" and prepare my mindset for this piece which, in my opinion, is equally beautiful or at least able to compete with it.

Mastering sounds professional and it reminded me of Assassin's Creed II at some points, might have been the vocals used or the relatively acoustic sound. Celtic music always manages to sound awespiring to me and this piece makes absolutely no exception.

I would have made the melodies a little more intense and present in the mix while possibly introducing a theme variation by the time the main theme is repeated for about the third or fourth time. You've played around repetition by varying the instrumentation and playing with the beautifully executed atmosphere. Again, it's a minor discrepancy that doesn't really detract from the experience at all, mere nitpicking if you wish, and it doesn't drift away from the fact that it's a near-masterpiece able to compete with film score and what the industry offers.

Superb job
//FD

Mattashi responds:

Thank you so much ForgottenDawn :)

[Tron Shredder]

It's a good effort speaking of composition and atmosphere, with an idea that is simple enough to provide solid ground for three and counting minutes.

It's enjoyable in that it is somewhat varied and it has a good structure backing up the various synths and main melody, although I would have loved some more depth in the ambiance, perhaps by introducing more background synths in order to keep it more interesting and immersive. The build-ups are fine, I think, and I would have personally not repeated the intro again before exploding in 1:20. The mastering and EQ are performed nicely, nothing that really stands out after all.

//FD