Surely sucks to have 512Mb of RAM, but on the other hand people used to make entire soundtracks on tracker softwares with only a handful of Mb, so it's all pretty relative.
I like the retro, new wave-like feel of this track, if fairly repetitive, it does have a structure I think you could still work on. I don't think the instruments clash to each other, but the sound overall it's fairly stripped down to its basics with a very "dry" feel that says all and nothing at the same time.
In fact, I think you could have enhanced your sound by introducing more background ambiances and synths, while still keeping your intended "low quality" environment and giving your track a little more of depth and detail. I recall listening back to The Cure with their very "dry"-sounding drums with some good amount of layering when it comes to guitars, ambiances and haunting vocals.
Speaking of which, I also understand that you've planned some lyrics for this track, but I was thinking, what if you whispered them throughout the whole song, giving it a more sinister, distant and mysterious atmosphere, sometimes even distorting your vocals at some points in the song? Right now your lyrics are like a ghost element in your track, like a presence that you wish you'd hear in the actual song, not something confined to its description.
I don't consider this track as bad, but I simply think it could have been more intriguing for the aforementioned reasons. There's definitely potential, though its execution leaves me quite wishing for more.
//FD