Freedom is dead.

...Gamejolt features your game and even tweets about it. o.o

PS: I'm still shocked.

A while back I made a "soft" announcement about my short little game .defrag, currently available on Gamejolt and RMN. For those who have missed it, I was basically rambling about the possibility of submitting the game on Steam Greenlight in the short term, and if it passes, it would be available for free eventually.

To be honest with you, I'm really thrilled and kinda nervous at the same time. It's the same feeling as when, as just a rookie, I submitted my first track here on Newgrounds, back in the days of my old account. It's exciting for sure and I don't know how folks would react to it.

It's an experimental short game meant to be unconventional and made largely on a whim — the core elements took roughly 10 days of non-stop development, excluding subsequent updates. To anyone familiar with games like Yume Nikki, you'll probably find plenty of influences on .defrag, although the latter has an actual story to experience and the characters do have some background you can dig up by interacting with them and the world around you.

Thing is, it definitely won't be the only game I develop. In fact, I have a truckload of ideas I'd like to expand and I know I've said a million times already, but I won't stop reiterating it. At the end of the day what it really boils down to is the capacity to push myself into doing what I really want as an individual. I don't view myself as an artist, more like someone who fits the pieces together, and to tell the truth, I'm also not afraid to take risks.

I am fully willing to take risks because I believe it's the only way to truly experiment and bring new perspectives and possibilities to the table. I am not pretending anyone to understand my doing and at the same time, I'm not phased by either praise or criticism. Because I am tired. I am tired of big money companies always "playing it safe", not really bringing anything new to what's already there. These days they just seem to provide the technology for others to take advantage of, and that's pretty much it. I love the endless creativity of small developers who tackle hard themes in a very personal and intimate way, disarmingly so at times. I mean, how many games make of social anxiety, or depression, or cancer, or suicide, their central theme to inspire reflection and awareness? You can count them, there will probably be only a handful.

Love it or hate it, but that's my fuel. Not for the sake of a morbid fascination with such tragedy, but I think that taking such risks can be highly rewarding if done properly. Who am I to say no? Who am I to pass such an opportunity? That's what I want to do, and I think .defrag can be the first step in such direction. We'll see what the future brings, but for now, see you in the next round.

//FD

I feel like the more I explore different genres, the more I feel like everything is connected somehow.

It's one of those "a-ha!" moments. It's a wonderful thing to be able to keep an open mind to so many possibilities. I see many artists that stagnate to only one thing and that's it. They might be good at it, sure, but then what?

Experimentation is the fuel of a life ripe with expression and color.

I want to do a lot of things in the future. I don't want to stagnate and just do one thing, I want to explore as many possibilities as I can as long as I'm on this earth. Many times I stopped and thought about those folks that are too busy talking about genres or worse, exclusively listen to what's trending, to enjoy sounds for what they are. It's a shame, they're missing on a lot. In the end, you either like something or you don't, but you can't deny the huge variety of sounds out there or put them into boxes.

Don't be afraid to leap into new frontiers.

When they tell you that you should do something else or that "isn't like you", then it's likely that they don't understand at first. They're probably too afraid to do it themselves, therefore they criticize you for even trying. Listen to yourself before others, and what you truly wish to do for yourself. A lot of people might not understand you, or criticize you unfairly, ignore you, project every sort of insecurities and ignorance, or even hate you, but then again it's inevitable. It's part of our human nature. That shouldn't stop you in pursuing your endeavor.

Welp, I wasn't expecting this to turn into some kind of motivational post, but hear me one last time: embracing possibilities is a beautiful thing. Don't waste it while you're here.

Exactly what the title says.

I'm taking a full break from everything for this entire month of October.

Maybe I'll finish up stuff or maybe not, but I have a huge list of games to catch up to that I've been pushing aside for God knows how much long, so yeah.

See you in a month!

//FD

#GamingMonth

In the end I'm sticking with pretty pics.

It's funny how the moment I post something about how I'd like to improve my own videos, Youtube decides to fuck up to near Orwellian levels. I'm sure there's people out there going "SEE? I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I? IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME" and yeah, they're kinda right, but honestly, it wasn't that difficult to figure out either.

If you still haven't heard the news and you're wondering why nearly everyone's pissed at Youtube right now, here's why: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6162278?hl=en&pageId=116546663462822302823

Youtube is a big company first and foremost, owned by an even larger company called Google. It was only a matter of time before they'd push their own corporate agenda in due time and guess what, that time has come, and it's ugly. Nobody likes it for a good reason: something called "censorship". Something called "you can monetize your videos only if we like your content" and said content has to be "advertisement friendly", otherwise you can forget even starting a business on Youtube. They think it's a good idea to censor the internet. :D

https://youtu.be/H47ow4_Cmk0

Well, personally, I make mostly instrumental music and my titles are far from being perceived as provokative or "controversial". Still, by principle, it's absurd that as a creator I need to be "scared" of the consequences because I simply talk about the real issues around the world or because I happen to swear from time to time, just citing two banal examples. I understand if I upload hate speeches or speeches that specifically target minorities, or upload pornography or some gore shit, I mean, there are plenty of other websites for them. But I think they're driving it waaaaaaay too far.

They want to turn Youtube into a family-friendly safe haven for kids, dumping all the watered-down mainstream media BS with big sponsor money. If it keeps going like this, it's gonna be the next MySpace and a large portion of the userbase will migrate to alternative websites like Vimeo, Dailymotion or even Netflix. Or, you know, there's always the Deep Web, which I think will be the only alternative in a near future/present.

So hey, that's the 10-second version of "Youtube fucks it up again", so if you'll excuse me, I now [REDACTED] █████████████████████████████████████████

Useful links for discussion:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmzf0duEYRk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osOyv5QnywY

So I've been thinking about it for a while and I've been kinda wanting to upgrade the visual appeal of my Youtube channel.

That's why I took a long hiatus before uploading any new video, because I wanted to plan out the things I'm imagining to do for my channel in a near future.

So the idea is to liven up things a little by adding real-time audio spectrums to each video and maybe clean up the typography and backgrounds. Applying some visual polish, in a broader sense.

Something like this mockup I think would look nice for future videos. What do you think?

PS: I took "Whispering Horizon" as an example. I'm not willing to reupload old tracks with the new candidate layout.

Mockup:

Current visual:

https://www.newgrounds.com/content/embed.php?id=LhfVz

Yup, it's that late here at the time of this post.

I don't know, I guess I feel the need to write my insomnia down somehow. It's strange. I don't usually feel like writing personal blogs and go on lengths about my own struggles. But sometimes I feel the need to deviate from the ordinary as an attempt to burst my own bubble for a little while, just enough time to let some new air in and breathe.

I have been composing since 2009. I consider it a long time, almost 7 years, and I've been lurking here in this website for about the same time. I've been through plenty of ups and downs, highs and lows, but that's part of the process anyways. Creativity bursts, creative insomnia, anxieties, bouts of depression and cynicism, writer's blocks, and so on.

I guess things are going good, right? I've still come pretty far compared to my previous endeavor as KKSlider60 and I'm actively continuing to contribute to this current project, Forgotten Dawn. I've made soundtracks and released them publicly. Contributed to games, and I have plenty of ideas myself. I've even finished a game not too long ago, finally. I've made friends along the way, had to say goodbye to some, but hey, I'm still here.

So I guess... the question arises. Where's the problem?

No matter how much of myself I pour into my works, and lately I have come to the conclusion that yes, I should give priority to my own creativity no matter what before anything else, I have always been having this feeling in the back of my head. This unnamed, lingering shadow breathing down my neck as I'm writing these words...

Feeling stagnant. Like nothing really changes for me or around me. No matter how many works I release, no matter how much effort I put into sharing it with people and folks I know, no matter how many ideas I share and want to actively develop... It's just. In the end, I'm like a ghost that pops up every once in a while and makes some tunes before disappearing again.

I'm not the kind of guy that desperately seeks validation from others, even though this post might sound like it's professing the exact opposite. I even tend to think that any feedback or critique is a mere incidental consequence of the act of creation, which is in my view, part of the bigger picture driving a longer chain of events. But I guess... Wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't it be nice if someone listened without me having to knock on doors? Believe me, I've tried many times. It didn't work. I know what someone would say. Where are you then? Why I never see you around? Because I'm busy, mostly thinking about what to do, thinking about the world, thinking about myself, thinking about many things.

Just what am I missing?

I'm not missing on ideas, I keep creating because that's what I ultimately want to do primarily for myself. I am not afraid to hit controversial themes for the sake of expression, or making people feel something in their lives. So why do I feel like everything I've done so far, everything I have achieved for myself remained in my own bubble and never got a chance to fly?

"Change is gonna come", somebody sang. It's what I tell myself. To keep fighting. To keep walking up this hill. Sure... I'm used to it by now. I am my own warrior and therapist. So... I don't know.

I feel like I need to know if anyone here feels the way I've been feeling.

If you've got this far reading this post, I say wow. You must have a lot of patience.

I guess that's it for now.

//FD