"Write like there's no tomorrow" reads Patreon's placeholder text.
I thought that instead of writing a comeback post, I would rather come clear on what's been going on lately. Truth is, not much. I feel exhausted. I have crunched my studies and school-related commitments for an entire year without giving myself a chance to truly disconnect from everything.
In the last few months, I've been feeling like all that pent-up stress has finally caught up with me to the point any activity right now feels incredibly fatiguing and mentally demanding, leading me to get frustrated and bored and irritable for no discernible reason my short-term brain can rationalize.
It's heartbreaking. As a workaholic creator, having to come to terms with my own limitations and muster the humility to accept them as temporary is, perhaps, the worst hurdle I can imagine right now. I finally have some time for myself; some semblance of space where everything is possible with no deadlines looming in to paint the skies with gloom and anxiety.
And yet, it feels dull, insipid, stuck between doing and non-doing, fretting for something to happen; to get me out of this grey zone. And that's really it. Maybe there will be new music by next month. Maybe there won't. Until then, I will try unplugging for as long as I feel necessary.
Thanks everyone for your support. Love you all.
ChronoNomad
Take care of yourself first. Downtime is important, and the body will always tell you what it needs. Sometimes subtly, other times...not so much.
Don't be afraid to just kick back, lie on the grass, and watch the clouds roll by. When life has us feeling off-balance and generally exhausted, it's time to give respite to mind, body, and soul. Not that it makes all of our responsibilities disappear, but it can help us manage them and get back on track and regain a solid center of gravity.
Letting go of all expectations can be incredibly liberating. No sense worrying about the things we can't control. Even when there's music bubbling around inside of us, there's nothing wrong with just sitting quietly and doing nothing from time to time. Not doing something or thinking anything in particular; just living in the moment and appreciating that the world doesn't fall apart just because we've stopped moving.
Take a beat, take a breath, and take care of yourself. Everything else is secondary.
ForgottenDawn
Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it. It's been hard to let go of that feeling, especially when my activities are so entangled with online presence. I know it's completely irrational, and I know I don't have to respond to anyone's expectations of me right now. All I can say is that I will try to give my own thoughts some proper fallout.