ForgottenDawn's audio Reviews on Newgrounds

[Gears keep turning]

Brilliance. I gotta be really honest, I didn't quite expect to find another intelligent piece like this and it turned out I was wrong. The half point missing from my rating focuses only on minor discrepancies that could have helped elevating your track to the upper echelons of Newgrounds and beyond, because that's the kind of potential we're talking about.

You're right, it probably didn't turn out how you wanted, perhaps because some parts needed more of a melodic base and less focus on the complex drumming. Perhaps they needed more intensity, emphasizing the sense of a clockwork that keeps going on no matter what, and perhaps you needed more out-of-the-box sounds reminding you of broken machinery, maybe some music box in the distance, like a broken lullaby. There are so many possibilities trapped in this piece it's a shame to not give some recognition.

I say well done.
//FD

OmegaP responds:

Thanks for the review, it really means alot to me. I love the broken lullaby image!

[MrO- Rising Flames]

Just... no. XD

I'm sorry, but honestly, this can be either too easy to be dismissed or too hard to explain with just words why it can be dismissed. It's really painful to listen to, but I'll try to leave some actual advice rather than just bury the track six feet under and call it a day.

The structure per se isn't exactly bad, but spamming the kick for four minutes straight isn't gonna help the cause. There are many things you can do to keep things interesting, but I think that the main problem here is that it's near cacophony. The difference between an interesting cacophony and an annoying cacophony is when certain elements in the track are combined in a way you can recognize even a faint pattern or section that makes you feel emotionally "linked" to it. It's the same thing as comparing a sketchbook made by a 2 y/o toddler and Picasso.

There are myriads of ways to start a composition and build on it: some artists prefer melody, some prefer atmosphere and sound design, some prefer more conventional means. Whatever you pick, try to give meaning to what you're doing and try to tell a story with every instrument you're using. It may sound like a colossal thing to do, but it will come naturally given enough practice and experience and you will never stop learning. There's no best way to do it either, we're all trying here in the end. Observe the world around you, listen to its sounds, and you'll realize that making music is nothing otherworldly and we're just rearranging sound waves in a different way each time.

I hope I've been useful somehow, best of luck on your journey
//FD

Mrobeymenow responds:

... Was my work just compared to Picasso and a toddler?... Anyway, thanks for the review, I appreciate every one I can get. I agree, this song failed, for some reason, out of all the songs I've ever made, this one failed the most. I might revisit this and fix the composition "errors", and make this something pretty good. But I can assure you, the calamity of sound that happened in this will never be heard again. I invite you to listen to my next song, and see for yourself this was a one time thing. I apologize in advance to future listeners and pray that they don't have the volume very high.

[Temple of Light]

It's a really good piece with plenty of atmosphere, an enjoyable structure and a catchy melody that kinda stretches for a while. While I praise the unintentional nostalgia factor for it reminded me of the good old Dark Cloud days, but most importantly the cinematic depth you've provided, I can tell you what could have made it even more cinematic.

First of all more variation on the theme would have been nice. While the melody is very nice and engaging, I think that introducing more instruments, counter-melodies and background ambiances would have made it more interesting and refreshing. I don't actually have complaints for the ending and I think it fits the atmosphere well, if probably for the fact that it comes a bit abruptly, so perhaps smoothing that transition would have improved the flow of the piece.

If this is your first try at cinematic I'd say it's a very good start! Remember that anything can sound "cinematic" and immersive if you just let the sounds slowly build their way, and leave them enough breathing space in the mix. In fact I think dynamics are pretty tight in this song because the atmosphere is already quite massive and it doesn't really leave room for other instruments (even background sounds) to take place.

Overall, I say good job and keep improving in this direction
//FD

Mawnz responds:

Hi! You judges are really going all out on this, which I think we all love to see. It is much appreciated.

It's not my first cinematic piece (I think), but I don't really know much about the genre in terms of composing so.
So as you say: anything can sound cinematic. I've never thougt about that...
Anyway thank you for taking you time to listen and give constructive feedback! I find it intriguing to experiment in this genre, and I'm gonna improve!

-Mawnz

[Children of Saturn]

It's an interesting obviously spacey, atmospheric track that offers quite some powerful visuals and a good degree of depth as a whole.

I don't really understand why you repeated the first two minutes again, especially since the build-up was already quite lengthy and then it seemed as if you only needed an "explosion" of sounds and a climax. I think it could have worked better if you either kept the repetition and added a powerful climax at the end before fading into darkness, or scratched the whole repetition and introduced more instruments and variations on the theme starting from that sort of breakdown.

I mean, don't get me wrong, what you did wasn't bad at all, but it honestly felt kind of like a lazy move when your song already had a very solid atmosphere and structure you could have built upon. Other than that, I think more background sounds would have helped the section at 1:34 - 2:01, maybe a background arp or rhythmic synths perhaps with a driving bass line.

Overall, you did a good job with your ambiance and I think you made justice to the artwork of choice.
//FD

JoshuaHughes responds:

Thanks for the thoughtful words! I'll be sure to put more effort and variation into my tracks next time. Bassline has now been duly noted.

[Old Tree (A.I.M Contest)]

I like the idea of a "jungle ambiance" to be perfectly honest, something that I wasn't expecting to find in this contest. I would have loved some more variation in the structure, possibly by introducing more instruments and themes. Have you ever thought of adding background ambiances and sounds from various sources -- even from the jungle itself? It really opens you to a wealth of possibilities because you're given a chance to really pay attention to the details and slowly craft your atmosphere from the ground up.

I'm giving this three stars because I think you could have executed the idea better, in the sense that structure and mastering-wise it needs some work. The marimba-like instrument gets quite obsessive and overpowers the mix due to also its massive reverb that kinda suffers from limiting/compression issues (the slight unwanted wobbling in the reverb). Overall, it's an otherwise decently equalized song and it fits the artwork you've picked quite nicely.

//FD

arbelamram responds:

thnx for the feeback :)
your right about it worked on in it and masterd it.. but my pc wont handle the project...FML

[Lost in Deep Space]

I must say that I'm impressed with the atmosphere you've just provided, especially the intro. It has a depth that shouldn't be looked by and then it gets better with the introduction of more synths and pads. I felt that the piano could need some more reverb and make it distant, like echoes lost in deep space. Sorry, had to throw that in.

The structure is somewhat varied, although I would have probably expected a change at around the third minute just to keep things renewed and interesting. The outro kinda feels a little weak compared to the song, I would have introduced a fading out while gradually increasing the reverb of that synth. The given effect is that the sound gets more blurred in the distance, it's very cinematic.

But no matter, I give you props for experimenting with an enjoyable ambient piece and ultimately for your art choice which is equally beautiful.
//FD

Chemiqals responds:

Thank you for the feedback! Haha, I've added more and more reverb to the piano in each remaster I've done so far. I feel like it would get a little muddled if I added much more though. I do want the piano to feel like a piano so when the more "spacey" instrument comes in at 1:46 it's a nice change. Going from something human to something more. Thank you for the suggestion about the ending. I'll have to try something like that out!

[First Sunshine]

It quickly became one of my favorite entries in this contest, and I definitely enjoyed the atmospheric/liquid drum and bass you provided. It felt very "airy" and spacey and it had a very solid structure, with the part beginning at the fourth minute being my personal pick. Good fills and transitions, I would have only brought more variations in the bass line and possibly pack some more oomph by introducing some brief sub-bass clicks here and there, reminiscent of old school jungle or even Goldie. Overall, very good job, be proud of this
//FD

AeroMusic responds:

Thanks alot mate, yeah it seems to be the general consensus that the chords and bassline should have had more variation, i'll remember this for future songs :)

its an honour to be compared to goldie :D

[His Way]

Well. Despite myself being an enthusiast when it comes to sound design and experimental music, I find myself in a difficult position to judge. While it's always nice to see people willing to venture in other directions attempting to expand their horizons, there's also a point where you must stop for a while and ask yourself if what you're experimenting with leads you to a better understanding or it's just another dead end in one's artistic life.

I'll be trying to clear the "nonsense" shown in the previous reviews and try to make some sense by breaking down every single element in the song.

The piece immediately starts with a slow beat reminiscent of slow jazz and even trip-hop, very minimalist as you say, nothing really extraordinaire about it. Then the "crappy" vocals start extolling the first verses accompanied by a hypnotic sound that drags for quite a lot of bars. I surprisingly have no complaints about the hi-hats, as they're not overpowering the mix and they don't stand out too much compared to that low whistle sound (I really don't know how to describe it). Even the idea of a Saz solo doesn't really grieve me to the point I start ripping my hair off.

So where's the problem?

The problem is that none of this catches my attention and I don't consider any of this, at the current state of things, to have some sort of cohesion between each element in the song. In fact I'm not saying it's a bad idea because it isn't, but its execution sounds like you've stopped caring at some point and decided to invest the bare minimum of your time on this. I can show you how your idea can potentially sound interesting and truly experimental in nature.

Starting with the vocals, you deliberately chose to deliver a "crappy" singing which sounds okay and catchy for a while, but why not making it even crappier? Put a lo-fi filter, distort your vocals a little bit, destroy your own voice and play around with glitch effects like retriggering, bitcrush and stereo panning. It can still be considered "minimalist" because you're only intervening on your own voice. I don't know if you're familiar with the Riddler trailer in Batman Arkham City -- the Riddler's voice is manipulated in such a way that it sends shivers down your spine, and even the acting by itself isn't spectacular, but the atmosphere that has been crafted around is spectacular.

Then come the drums. They're very stripped down to the basics, but I would have made them a little more present in the mix and gave them some more character, possibly by throwing in some jazz fills and brushes. What about distant atmospheres and effects? A broken music box in the distance, radio static, wind chimes... there are so many things you can just put in your mix and make it sound interesting, enigmatic, haunting in a sense and diverse.

What about an acoustic bass? Even by playing simple notes during the first stanza it's enough of a presence in the low end and it accompanies your drums greatly. During the Saz part, I would have personally added an ethereal background atmosphere and played various sounds in reverse, maybe even whispered vocals in the distance.

You see, it's not really about striving for minimalism or for a more direct compositional approach because my suggestions may sound verbose and complicated when written but are probably not when put in practice. If you can't communicate much, if you don't tell a story through the medium of sound, then it's over. I suggest you to completely disregard this rating, I'm just forced to because it's my temporary job in this contest. Keep improving upon your ideas and add subtlety in your works in order to let people think "Wait, what did he mean by that? Why did he use this?"
Go beyond your vision and try hard to achieve it. In the end, you'll be grateful to have done yourself a favor and extend your inner horizons.

Cheers mate
//FD

SoulSecure responds:

Thank you so friggan much for actually giving real advice.

I like the way the vocals are now, but I wanted to put some vinyl record noise in there. Like, either as ambiance or make the drums sound like they are coming out of a vinyl on a gramophone, y'know?

I'm not sure about messing with the drums too much, as I'm actually kind of going in a more lounge/trip hop direction rather than straight Jazz, but I think that's worth looking into. I actually try very hard to not put the drums in loudly, because when I first started using beats it was all for rap/hip hop kind of music and once I started using it all the time my drums came out way too loud cuz I was used to the hip hop stuff.

I have thought about putting in maybe a little piano or something and I don't think putting in acoustic bass is a good idea when I already have a sub bass line. You have given me an idea, because I have played with putting in some sounds during the solo, but didn't like how they came out.

It's not about being minimal, or overtly experimental. I don't want to screw up the kind of feeling I was going for by putting in unnecessary instrumentation. I prefer to consider myself more in the realm of art music than experimental, but that's the kind of crowd I'm lumped into.

Thanks for the review!

[AIM - Alien Cave]

This is quite a polarizing track, I must say. Not because the idea per se doesn't hold some potential, I think all ideas have and need a chance to be expressed in some way or another, but it's rather the execution that leaves me quite perplexed.

If you were going for a chaotic atmosphere, you might have confused chaos for "turning all synth levels up to eleven", creating a generally unpleasant cluttering effect that overpowers the mix and doesn't give other instruments a chance to breathe. In fact, I think dynamics are quite tight in this track. The intro is sort of interesting if it weren't for the really loud bass that also carries on in the most intense parts when sidechained.

I think that you could have kept the dark atmospheric mindset you used for the parts preceding the loud bass (1:02 - 1:20) for most of the track, by adding more background sounds (possibly rhythmic synths and arps) and variations on the melody to keep things more interesting. The intro could have needed some polish, I was thinking if some distant sounds could have enhanced the atmosphere, like echoes or voices that can't be distinguished in the distance. I have no complaints about the drums, they're kinda dubsteppy, but they can work well in this context.

//FD

FortressLord responds:

Thanks for the in-depth review. This song is dead, and as an artist I'm totally evolved, so I won't update this, BUT your helpful criticisms and positives can be carried over into my newer work.

[Bop]

You're quite the self-deprecating contestant, something I honestly wasn't expecting. It's more about the experience of participating to an event welcomes people from all over the world, listening to their music, hearing their feedback and their own voices. No one here is the best and my job as a judge is not even to put your track on a balance in an attempt to "measure" its value, because it's simply impossible.

Now, I think your track is well composed, it has a solid structure and you've managed to bring some degree of variety throughout these six minutes and counting of music. I would be stupid to not recognize some highlights from this effort, like the constant bass work which is pretty complex and interesting to hear, and all the build-ups and changes you've performed.

If anything, I would have loved to hear some more complex dynamics between the various melodies, possibly by adding background synths and ambiances, and sidechaining pads could have also helped the cause. The drums are not exactly immersive and I would have used some more intense samples, especially in the more downtempo parts. Try also to smooth transitions between the different sections with some riser sound effects, booms or even glitch effects that could help improving the flow of the track.

It's not what I consider a mediocre effort, and my rating shouldn't let you kick the bucket and seek something else to do. I encourage you to keep going down this road and try to give depth to simpler songs and patterns before moving onto something gargantuan like a 6-minute song. Also... djent? Pfft, got nothing on this. So far I haven't even seen any track can remotely be considered "metal", if that helps.

//FD

Wilhiemthe2nd responds:

Thanks a lot FD, I apologize for the self deprecating-ness, My boyfriend and I have been trying to work on eliminating my chronic self-esteem issues. This hasn't happened with music, my most passionate subject. Don't worry about me not trying any more, Music will always be my thing, even if I'm terrible at it.

I've actually been trying to improve this thing for quite awhile, but I'm not exactly sure if I'm allowed to submit an edited version of the same song to the contest. >:

As for the quality of the samples, my extremely modest financial background prohibits me from getting something like EZ-Drummer, or FL Studio, so I guess winning is out of the question due to that, but I did enter just for the experience and the reviews really. I just put myself in a mindset where I was worried these SUPER EXPERIENCE PROFESSIONALS would be all over it and think I'm a terrible person and such. ...Jeez I can be really silly sometimes.

I don't why I mentioned Djent, I guess I just thought of something that may pop up and blast my song under the radar or something. As for song length... heheh... Due to the music I listen to a lot, 6 minutes is a pretty average length song to me, blame Dream Theater. XD

TlDr, I'd like to remake this, am I allowed to resubmit it? (provided that the contest isnt over yet, though I'll resubmit this to NG anyway really.)